:: Walk By Faith ::

:: Thursday, February 06, 2003 ::

I Was Glad When They Said To Me, 'Let Us Go To the House of the Lord"



I know I haven't updated in a coon's age (just how old is a coon, anyway?), but it's one of those things where I say "Eh, I'll do it later" and you know it--later never comes.



I no longer attend the church I grew up in, a conservative Baptist establishment that afforded me most of my basic religious training. When I was 18, my parents made it clear that they were not getting along, and about the same time, the church split down the middle as well. It was an ugly scene on both accounts. Consequently, I've only been back a handful of times, mostly for Christmas Concert and a few Easter Pageants, and the odd Sunday service. I think the whole attitude of when as a teenager, you leave home, it's never the same again--I think that applies to your childhood church as well. The buildings are familiar, the people are familiar, but there's a distance there. There have been others who have replaced me in the minds and hearts of my mentors--I'm still recognized when I go there, but it's not the same. It hurts a little, but I have to remember I didn't go there to have everyone think I was so great. You know?



When I decided to go back to church in 2001, I walked into a Nazarene church that some friends had recommended to me. I found out why this church building was so large--in order to house the immense congregation! Coming from a 'traditional' sanctuary (aisle/pew/main aisle/pew/aisle), this 'worship center' seemed like a teeming cavern. However, a strange thing happened--I didn't feel lost. I felt like I was home.



Now I had to do it all over again. I had to --gasp-- make friends, and I couldn't do it on the virtue of being a cute, smart little girl. I had to do it as a twenty-something woman trying to find out where the faith of her childhood fit into her grownup life. I plunged into activities the first week; singles group on Monday (no thanks), and choir on Tuesday. Coming from the rigor of the director and his wife who mentored me in my childhood church home, this choir looked like a den of Cub Scouts; rowdy, talkative, imprecise. This was so difficult to overcome! The first night I made something of an idiot out of myself, trying to show up everyone else by keeping my eyes glued to the directoress. To my chagrin, she pointed it out and lauded it as an example for everyone to follow. I was mortified, but deservedly so. I got the point: Worship or don't. There's no room for snobbery in worship.



I sang in the choir (my last performance was a solo, even) for about six months, until I started back to school. I haven't sang in an organized group since, something that tears at me every Sunday morning. I know I need to be up there serving and singing, but I know it's important for me to get my education while I can, and also because I have a tuition benefit where I work. I stopped attending the Nazarene church, not because I didn't like it or anything, quite the contrary. It's a fifteen minute drive, and I found that the drive was making it easier for me to make excuses and skip church. Not a good thing.



In the middle of November of this year, I started going to a non-denominational church (something I never would have considered as a teen, fresh out of my Baptist upbringing), a congregation that's been around for a long time in one location or another (my next-door neighbors while I was growing up attended that church, and I went to see a Kids Praise! concert there). While I didn't immediately make an emotional connection with the church like I had up at the Nazarene campus, I enjoyed the service and I met a lot of people who I knew from work or other contacts. Ironically, the girl who dated my high school boyfriend just after I did--she attends this church with her fiance.



It's not as...well, it's not like the Nazarene church, but it's a good congregation, and I've made lots of friends. I know someone in the singles group who attends the Nazarene church, and I've been tempted to carpool with him. I'm even a member of the Nazarene church; to sing solo in the choir, you had to go through a membership class--which really was a good thing, now that I look back on it. I really REALLY like the pastor of that church, and the pastor of the one I attend now is just a different guy. One isn't better than the other, it's just that the pastor of the Nazarene church is incredibly personable, and I can't remember one single sermon I didn't walk away with something extremely usable or profound. The church I attend now, the pastor has a drier sense of humor, and he's a bit quieter, but I really enjoyed last week's sermon.



I don't know. Maybe I'm going to church for the wrong reasons, but I feel that church should be someplace where you get instruction and stuff you can use, timely reminders and encouragement for the week ahead. I have found, though, that I'm much more involved here at this church, and I'm staying much more focused on reading my Bible and fellowshipping with believers now than I ever was at the Nazarene church. Maybe the thing that's changed is me...



More later. Time for Economics class.

:: Melissa (& Billy) 6:29 PM [+] ::
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